Turns out flickin' the ol' bean and playing naked solo Wii tennis aren't sooo different after all. Let's be honest, dudes are less living complete lives and more just accomplishing small things in between jerk off sessions. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying it's a fact. Some of the world's greatest achievements took place in between J-Seshes. You want to tell me George Washington wasn't taking his genitals on an all-expenses paid trip to Poundville population: 1. That dude fought the battle of Porktown any chance he had.

By simply writing this article, I'm doing something 55 percent of Americans say they never do: talk about masturbation. That stat is one of several findings revealed in a recent masturbation survey conducted by sex toy company Tenga along with research firm PSB, drawing on data from 13, respondents ages 18 to 74 in 18 different countries. And even though Americans don't want to talk about it, 84 percent of us admit to self-pleasuring — 92 percent of men and 76 percent of women.

Clicking the mouse. Auditioning the finger puppets. Paddling the pink canoe. Finger painting. There are a whole lot of silly euphemisms for masturbation, and research shows most women over the age of 18 have done it at least once.